Sleep is like the unicorn. It is rumored to exist, but I doubt I will see any.
Insomnia is the great murderer of sanity. My sanity.
At night in my bed I dwell on this plane between the walls in my room and the halls of the sandman's reality of dreams and nightmares.
Last night, to change my surroundings and to possibly be granted a few hours of gracious sleep, I slept on the couch in my living room. I remember putting the TV on mute, laying back and trying to fall asleep about 11pm. A few minutes later opening my eyes I had the strangest feeling that someone was at the front door. I didn't hear a sound or see a light or anything it was just a feeling. I went to the front door, unlocked and opened it. I looked out and there was nothing. Nothing unusual at all, just the wind howling through the courtyard of the apartment buildings. My mind groggy and entangled with the chimeras and specters of my imaginings, I closed the door, lay back down and close my eyes.
I must have fallen asleep, I woke with a start in cold sweat. The clock on the wall read 1:36am and again I had the feeling that someone or something was at the door. I went to the window by door to peer out to see if in fact my feeling could be confirmed and again nothing. I sat down for a minute to collect my thoughts and to reason this feeling logically. Not wanting to be a coward, I again open the door to confront whatever might be lurking by. Nothing. I walked out onto the balcony to take in the scene of the witching hour on Wilkins Drive. All was still and motionless as if it had held this pose for countless centuries. There was neither moon or stars to guide my clumsy footsteps down the stairs into the courtyard. The wind as cold as it was, seemed to blow right through my skin to chill my bones and dull my thoughts. Reaching the bottom step and losing my balance I slipped backward cracked my head against the staircase. Angrily I stood just in time to look up and see a large black bird take flight and squawk mockingly at my fall.
Damn bird.
I waddled back to the apartment, took a shot of nyquil, and put this strange night to bed.
I woke again at 4:30 and so here I sit doucumenting my maddness.
4 comments:
Dang. You've had insomnia for a long time, haven't you? I seem to remember you talking about it. Have you done any research on it or know what might be causing it? I hope you get some good full nights in soon!
Dan, darling Dan, Michelle is right. There's got to be a way to figure this out, my love! It sounds like a nice cocktail of sleep disorders, to tell you the truth, but they might share a root cause, and thus a cure. Anyway, let me know...
I'm not sure why I have it to tell the truth. Webmd.com says that common causes are: Significant life stress (job loss or change, death of a loved one, divorce, moving).
Illness.
Emotional or physical discomfort.
Environmental factors like noise, light, or extreme temperatures (hot or cold) that interfere with sleep.
Some medications (for example those used to treat colds, allergies, depression, high blood pressure, and asthma) may interfere with sleep.
Interferences in normal sleep schedule (jet lag or switching from a day to night shift, for example).
Depression and/or anxiety.
Chronic stress.
Pain or discomfort at night.
None of those seem to really fit. So who knows right?
Dan, I hope you get to sleep. My dad had insomnia and swears by this herb medication that he now takes. The thing is, my dad always swears by things he's trying to sell, so I don't know if it really works. Anway, insomnia's a bitch. It was good to see you Saturday. I have this pic of you and lil' Mark. You guys look alike. It's funny.
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